​I answer with this question:
 
How are you making the topic of college an open and ongoing dialogue?
 
This is not a one-time talk. It doesn’t have to be super serious and nothing needs to be decided or resolved the first, second, or even fifth time you discuss your child’s goals and plans.
 
It is best, however, when both parents are approaching the topic with their kids prepared to listen as much as to talk. And what you’re listening for are three key pieces of information: their goals, their fears, and how you can be helpful to them.
 
Here are 4 questions that can help you initiate a real discussion about your teens’ plans and gain insight into what you can (and cannot!) do to assist them.
 
1. What do you want next year to look like?
 
Is your daughter talking a lot about seeing friends, keeping her same job, and sticking close to home, or is she dazzled by the idea of traveling, finding an internship, and meeting new people? This is a great way to bring up the idea of visiting some college campuses in person (and let her choose), so that she has the opportunity to imagine how her dreams could play out at different universities.
 
Is college even mentioned? Is your teen someone who is thinking about a gap year? If so, you know to connect her with persons who can speak to the advantages and disadvantages of taking some time off before college, and can help her be strategic about how she spends that time.
 
2. What schools are your friends talking about?
 
Your teen may not be discussing college with you, but he is almost certainly hearing other people talking about it. This is a nice, neutral pathway into a conversation that yes, is about where his friends are thinking about applying to. But hopefully it also leads to discussion about whether or not he is interested in those schools too.
 
His reasons for why or why not will be illuminating. You might discover he is fairly dedicated to the idea of striking out on his own and applying somewhere where nobody knows him. Or that he harbors a desire to stay close to home. You will get a sense of how confident he is about his prospects about being accepted to college; if he seems defeated he probably avoids talking about college with you because he is afraid he won’t get in anywhere – and of disappointing you.
 
3. Is there anything about college that makes you nervous?
 
You know your teen better than I do, so feel free to replace “nervous” with “anxious,” “scared,” “sad,” or similar words that you think will best resonate with your student.
 
Are they bummed about leaving their best friend? Nervous about leaving home? Scared about the money it will cost?
 
It’s possible that the reason your teen doesn’t want to discuss college is because it feels like a looming threat in some way. Let them know you are there to help problem-solve. If you don’t know the answer or have control over the situation, enlist the help of someone who does.
 
4. How can I best support you?
 
Sometimes the way we want to help people is not the way they want or need help. So open it up to them. Maybe they want your advice and maybe they want you to *just* listen.
 
You can also connect them with school and college counselors, financial officers, current students at the colleges your teen is interested in attending, a doctor, a therapist, a coach, or a college consultant.  

​Money shouldn’t be a barrier to receiving a quality college education. There is an erroneous assumption that only well-off families want to provide higher education opportunities for their children. This is incorrect. Most parents (or guardians) want to see their kids enroll and succeed in college, regardless of socioeconomic station. The reality is, however, that even people making enough money to live day-to-day will not be able to pay up for college up front and out-of-pocket.
 
That’s why there are scholarships. As a student, what you can to do help your family – and yourself! – is to investigate all your funding options, know the deadlines, and craft thoughtful, persuasive applications.

Finally - one more Very Important Note - you have to actually apply for the scholarships you find. I know, that seems obvious. But sometimes you feel like you're already juggling school, work, and social obligations and can't bring yourself to add one more thing to your full plate. Ask a parent or teacher to help you get started. Make a schedule for yourself so you can submit all your materials on time without stretching yourself too thin. Remember that doing these applications now stands to benefit you in the immediate and longer future.
 
Good luck, and as always, you can send follow up questions to me, Jessica, at [email protected]!

Winter means the flu is going around, but I'm more concerned about another potentially serious affliction: Senioritis.

Senioritis: A condition in which the high school or college senior experiences a significant decrease in motivation, initiative, and ability to accomplish previously attainable goals.

It's the second semester of your senior year, and the last few months of your time as a high school or college student. You're exhausted from filling out school or job applications, worrying about grades, sad to leave some of your closest friends, and anticipating some major life changes in the next few months.

You just want to put on sweatpants and hope that book report will write itself.

Causes: Burnout from school work and / or job; fear of impending major life change(s); sense one is "done" and anxious to move on

Hey, don't you deserve a break? You've worked really (really!) hard these past few years, and even harder last semester, to make sure you got the grades, did the extracurriculars, worked that part-time job, and volunteered to make sure that you had the transcript and bank account to move on to the next phase of your life.

Not to mention, you had to field well-meaning but increasingly annoying questions from every friend's parent, your grandmother, and Aunt Sally about "Where are you applying?" and "What are your plans for next year."

Haven't you suffered enough?

Symptoms: Inability or unwillingness to complete tasks; procrastination; apathy toward school work; dismissive or defensive attitude about missed work; increased tardiness or absences.

It's hard to care about something that doesn't feel immediately relevant anymore. You got in at one of your top choice universities, you've been accepted to a graduate program, or you received a pretty good job offer. What's the difference if you skip an assignment or two, sleep in instead of going to class on Friday mornings, or stop showing up for practice? You're done.

Consequences: Left untreated schools and employers can and do either send warnings or rescind offers for program spots, employment, or scholarships.

I promise this isn't a scare tactic designed by your teachers or parents - colleges, organizations, and companies will retract their offers if you are no longer the same candidate they accepted. They approved a self-motivated, hard-working, and high-achieving person. If you are no longer demonstrating the same character traits and work ethic that won them over, you are possibly no longer wanted or needed at that particular school or workplace.

Treatment: Stay focused on your long-term goals, while striving to be a person of integrity. 

Integrity means doing the right thing, even when nobody is watching. So don't put your parents, teachers, schools, or employers in the undesirable position of chasing you around to accomplish the tasks you already know you are obligated to do. 

Set short and long-term goals, and check off your progress as you go. If you are nervous about money after graduation, set a budget, talk with a school's financial aid office, or seek advice from a trusted parent or professional. 

If you are anxious or fearful about the coming months, discuss your feelings with a family member, friend, or counselor. It's completely normal to feel nervous about upcoming life transitions. You might feel better hearing how other people coped with going away to school, starting a new job, or leaving home for the first time.

Most important, consider this practice for adulting. If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like one. Adulthood is more than being of a certain age; being an adult is a mindset. You take responsibility for own life by identifying and looking for ways to solve problems, anticipating and meeting challenges, and showing up for your obligations consistently, even when it's inconvenient, boring, or you just plain don't feel like it.

Adulting is fun too - college and graduate schools are opportunities to pilot your own course of study and explore interests, while experiencing an unprecedented degree of independence. New jobs mean forging a possible career path, while learning how to support yourself. Lots of good times are on the horizon if you can stay focused on how to close one chapter of your life neatly and with purpose.

Senioritis is contagious, rampant, and even fairly understandable. But it's not inevitable or unavoidable.

If you care about getting to the next season in your life with no regrets, than finish your current stage of life strong, with the same integrity, drive, and focus schools and employers want to see you bring their communities next fall.