Blog Archives

Monday Link-Up

9/30/2013

Found It. Read It. Passing It On.

Is anybody else putting up with an unceasing torrential downpour? I haven't seen the sun in five days. I know it's the Seattle area, but come on. Plus, my dog is terrified of thunder.

However, these long days inside translates to increased time in front of the computer. There's a lot of great stuff out there for students and their parents, whether you're in high school or looking to start a graduate program.

If you're stuck in the house like me, you might want to consider checking out some of the following links:

17 Things College Seniors Are Sick of Hearing
How about number 4: "So what do you want to do when you graduate?" (Hint: It's ok if you have no clue)

Scholarships For High School Students 2013-2014
Um, this is an impressive list of every scholarship out there.

Dining Hall Food on Tumblr
I went to Notre Dame, where South Dining Hall looked like something out of Hogwarts.

Envy in Grad School
Holy cow, yes! The importance of running your own race.

Bard College Using Essay Writing For Admissions
Bard is offering applicants the option of submitting four 2,500 word research papers, in lieu of SAT scores, transcripts, and teacher recommendations. WHY WASN'T THIS OPTION AVAILABLE WHEN I WAS APPLYING TO SCHOOLS?!

Tell Me...

Is it raining where you live?
How is (or was) the food at your school?
Would you rather write 4 essays over submitting a conventional application packet?

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October's Book: The Funeral Dress

9/27/2013

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Hi everyone - happy Friday!

Just popping in to let you know that October's book is The Funeral Dress by Susan Gregg Gilmore.

I've already read it and will be posting my review soon. In the meantime, feel free to get yourself a copy and participate in the discussion with myself and other From Left To Write contributors!

You can catch up on WHY and HOW to join in here.

Happy reading! (Or, you know, as happy as one can be when reading about a funeral).

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Getting Involved On Campus, Part I: Sustained Dialogue

9/26/2013

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Look, you can’t study the entire time. And although I believe you when you say that holing up in your dorm room with some friends to play video games or binge-watch Game of Thrones are ways of socializing, that’s not something you can add to your resume.

Whether you plan on looking for a job, applying for graduate school, or seeking funding, you need to build a competitive resume while in school.

Strategic resume building as a college or grad student includes focusing on one or two activities and demonstrating an ongoing commitment through increased involvement over time. Perhaps you start out as a participant your freshman year, and graduate as the club’s treasurer. Or you offer to help with event planning and fundraising. Maybe you even team up with students from other schools, and expand your organization to include other campuses.

I want to highlight two national organizations available at some of the nation’s leading universities, emphasizing the advantages of joining these or starting your own.

Sustained Dialogue Campus Network (SDCN)

SDCN’s mission is to develop everyday leaders who engage differences as strengths to improve campuses, workplaces, and communities.

WHAT IT IS
Sustained Dialogue is about conflict resolution through effective communication. Too often that which is foreign to us is interpreted as a threat. We see this in the context of international crises all the time. But students know this also happens on campus. People elect to self-segregate in the dining hall, in the classroom, or in dorms. Perceived differences sometimes manifest themselves as rivalries, or, worse, enmity. Sustain Dialogue is a tool to mitigate conflict by altering our perception of those we deem foreign, different, "other." The premise is to keep talking, because it is through conversation the unknown becomes familiar.

SDCN'S HISTORY
Sustained Dialogue Campus Network is the invention of Dr. Harold Saunders, a conflict resolution expert with over 40 years of experience. In the 1980s Dr. Saunders served as the Deputy Assistant Secretary of State to Henry Kissinger, helping mediate the Arab-Israeli peace agreements. In 1992 Dr. Saunders implemented the 5-Stage Process of Sustained Dialogue in Tajikistan, after the dissolution of the Soviet Union prompted a civil war.

In 1999 Princeton students began drawing on Sustained Dialogue to navigate issues associated with race relations on campus. In 2002 Dr. Saunders founded the International Institute for Sustained Dialogue (IISD), and the program spread to the University of Virginia and Dickinson College. SDCN is now a high priority for the IISD, teaching future leaders how to resolve conflict and establish relationships through continued dialogue.

WHAT STUDENTS DO
Lets say you hear about this SD thing on campus and decide to check it out. An organizer tallies up participants and breaks them into small groups of 5-8, with 1-2 moderators. This is your core group, which will meet on an ongoing basis for the remainder of the year. The moderator is there to provoke discussion, as well as facilitate communication when group members are nervous, angry, or unsure of what to say. The participants are deliberately matched so as to challenge each other. Groups are meant to self-direct the topics of conversation, with an emphasis on identifying and addressing problems on campus related to racism, sexism, homophobia, or other forms of conflict.

Meetings can get tense - crying, angry words, or silence - but the point is to keep talking through the uncomfortable moments.

WHY IT'S WORTH LOOKING INTO
I was a member of Notre Dame’s Sustained Dialogue chapter during my undergraduate years, starting as a participant and then working my way up into a leadership position. In 2007 I attended the annual training at Princeton University, where I met the organization’s founders and heard more about SDCN’s vision for the future. This includes expanding SDCN chapters to more college campuses, changing the way future leaders understand and approach conflict.

My SDCN training stayed with me long after Notre Dame. The emphasis on conflict resolution prepared me for navigating difficult conversations with family members, ornery professors, and demanding clients. Trust me - when SDCN is on your resume, someone will ask you about it during an interview.

Prospective graduate schools and employers are usually intrigued by the concept and impressed with SDCN’s ability to prepare people to be leaders who leverage diversity to improve our communities and workplaces.

Getting Involved

There are a few ways you can participate in SDCN:

See if SDCN has a program on your campus and become a member
Initiate a chapter on your campus
Apply for a job, internship, or volunteer position with SDCN

Check out Part II, detailing how two former SDers from Princeton started their own national organization, Students For Education Reform.

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September Book Club

9/16/2013

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From Left to Write asks reviewers to connect the book of the month with their personal experiences. Accordingly, this is not a traditional book review, but rather, my response to this month’s selection. Find out more here. I received an advance copy of Mother, Mother for free, but I was not compensated in any way for this review. My comments are my own. Mother, Mother is available for purchase now.

So You Know What I'm Talking About...

Violet Hurst, along with her siblings, grew up in a dysfunctional household with an alcoholic, emotionally absent father, and an overbearing, abusive mother. The narrative is split between sixteen-year-old Violet’s account and that of her twelve-year-old brother, William. The eldest sister, Rose, has been missing for over a year.

The story opens with Violet in a psychiatric ward, ostensibly for attacking William the previous night. Yet Violet has no recollection of doing so. The story revolves around two major questions. First, what really happened the night her mother claims Violet came after her brother with a knife? And second, what role did her mother play in Rose’s disappearance?

I do not want to ruin the book for any of you out there who are interested in reading it, so I am not going to delve into the plot too much. Instead, I want to focus on a few of the book’s themes and how they relate to my clients, young adults pursuing a college education.

This is a long one. I want to talk about finding happiness, questioning "truths" about you and your character, and the problem with constantly comparing yourself to others.

Let's Talk About It: Finding Your Happiness

By the end of the book, Violet has not found her happiness, but she knows she is on her way. And, yet, she is also cognizant that the person who will hold her back from enjoying her life is herself. She observes,

“…Violet was confronted by this small pickle: she was apologetic about wanting to live for her own enjoyment. She felt really guilty about having her own identity, and doubly f***ing terrified when she experienced something beautiful or even pleasant, accustomed as she was to her mother ruining it, usurping it, or passing it off as inconsequential.”

My path to academic, professional, and personal fulfillment was one marred by self-doubt and confusion about whose expectations I was supposed to be living up to. On the one hand, my parents made it clear that it was important to be smart, and to have your intelligence acknowledged by others.

I went to the University of Notre Dame, and despaired when my GPA was only a 3.8 when I graduated (freshman year Calculus and Physics destroyed me).

I continued on to Harvard for my Master’s, where I cried (!) over a B. One B out of 8 semesters. But it might as well had been an F.

I enrolled in a PhD program at Arizona State University. I really just wanted to be a teacher, but felt like others expected me to do something more prestigious, and barreled on down the path to becoming a professor and scholar of Russian History. Nevermind if these external pressures were imagined or real; I felt compelled to finish what I'd started. Even if I didn't want the prize anymore.

Over the next three years my ambivalence turned into outright resentment. I was furious that I was being “forced” to get my PhD, for a career I stopped wanting a long time ago. I wanted someone to tell me, “Hey, Jessica, it’s ok. You don’t have to do this. Go do whatever it is that you actually want to do.”

Finally, I was approaching a complete meltdown. I had passed my Qualifying Exam, my committee approved my dissertation proposal, and I received a competitive national fellowship to complete archival research in Russia for the next seven months.

My husband was the one who suggested I speak with my adviser. I do not know if she realizes what a life-changing moment our conversation was for me. She is still my model of what an ethical teacher should be, telling me my happiness was more important than her obligation to graduate PhD students. She suggested I stop worrying so much about making my parents happy and do what I wanted. She told me I could be good at anything. That I was already good enough.

When you spend an entire lifetime thinking you aren’t anywhere near good enough, and in most cases, severely lacking, this was news to me.

So then what? My husband, my other great supporter, championed me on as I devised a business plan, launched Aim High Writing, and refashioned myself into an Applications Coach. My parents also helped me make the transition, allowing me to see that they had actually just wanted me to be happy and successful.

Now I am happily operating on the periphery of academia, in a teaching role, but not a professor. No prestigious institutional affiliations, but excited to help those students who want them for themselves. And it turned out that I have always (and will always) have a choice about finding and following what makes me happy.

Unlearning So-Called Truths About Yourself

Still reading?

I want to highlight a more subtle plotline that will potentially resonate with young adults, as it did with me. Violet’s separation from her family allows her the space to examine the so-called truths about herself that her mother has ingrained in her.

According to her mother, Violet is a screw-up, messy, stupid, violent, ugly, undisciplined, and socially inept. Over time, Violet internalizes her mother’s words into truths, and even manifests them by shaving her head, experimenting with hallucinogenics, and finding herself terribly angry.

Towards the end, Violet’s friend, Edie, tells her she needs to unlearn all the things her mother told her she was. Violet finds this task daunting; she has spent so long surviving, she does not understand what it means to just live.

You do not need to come from an abusive household to accumulate a set of potentially toxic “truths” about yourself by the time you are a young adult looking to leave home.

My interest in books, combined with my reserved nature, earned me the reputation for being shy. And I was. I was hideously shy throughout middle school, high school, and my freshman year of college. I turned down invitations to go to parties, I assumed any guy showing interest in me was just messing with me, and I accepted lower grades in classes because I refused to participate.

Starting my sophomore year of college, however, I became interested in taking Russian 101. Language classes terrified me. All that interaction with my classmates, speaking in my infantile Russian with an atrocious accent….

After leaving my PhD program, I became a business owner. I felt like my most authentic self for the first time, speaking with people about how I could help them with academic and professional goals. I knew I could help them, and because I believed in myself, others were also confident in my abilities.

I’m not going to tell you to “fake it til you make it,” since I don’t think it is about tricking anyone – yourself or others. Rather, I encourage you to examine some of the core truths you currently use to define yourself as a person, and more importantly, to measure yourself worth.

How many of those truths were inherited from someone else’s perception of you? Are they fair? Are you the same person? Do you see value in either retaining, losing, or modifying those truths?

College is a fantastic time to reinvent yourself. Just because your parents said you were unathletic, doesn’t mean you can’t join the campus tennis club. If your high school teachers thought you were lazy, show your professors you can meet deadlines.

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

I’m still learning this one. There are so many, many things I will never be good at: opening envelopes without mangling them, running long distances, any kind of science…. But that doesn’t mean I’m somehow entirely lacking. I have spent a lot of time reexamining old truths about myself, and discarding those that no longer serve my goals or further my happiness.

I encourage you to stop comparing yourself to others, and fixating on the things that make you feel lesser.

Don’t worry about being perfect.

Just focus on being authentic.

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Using Facebook Effectively As A College Student

9/8/2013

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A 2011 EDUCASE survey reports that 90% of American undergraduates are on Facebook, with 58% of those students logging in daily.

Cultivating Your Social Media Presence

It is completely possible to use Facebook to further your academic and professional goals. Although it was originally created to link college students, Facebook opened registration to anyone in 2006. Since then, schools and businesses have used the site as a way to vet applicants. A 2012 Kaplan study reports that 87% of colleges and universities check a student's profile when considering his or her application.

There is a right way and a wrong way to get yourself noticed by an admissions committee or hiring manager. Read on to make sure you are using Facebook to your advantage.

The Right Way to Use Facebook In College

Dialogue With Classmates: Converse with other students about projects, assignments, and exams.

Staying Connected With Old and New Peers: If you go to conference and hit it off with someone, friend them and stay in touch. And do not forget your friends from high school and undergrad. Focus on growing your network.

Research: Use Facebook to poll your network about great books, where to find specific archival sources, preferred laboratory instruments, or even ask volunteers to fill out a survey for a study you are running.

Find Extracurricular Activities: Figure out what kind of groups are on or near campus. If you want to join a running team, a juggling club, or a volunteer organization, you can look over their Facebook page and see if the group seems like a good fit for you.

Event Tracker: What's going on, either on campus or in the surrounding area?

The Wrong Way to Use Facebook In College

Surfing Facebook In Class: Use Facebook to connect with your classmates outside of class. Listen when you are actually in lecture.

Friending Your Prof or TA: Really, for real, do not do this. They are not your friends, they are your instructors. It is perfectly reasonable that you may develop a friendship after taking a course with someone, but even after the class wraps up, wait for that person to reach out to you over social media.

Poking Your Prof or TA: Similarly, don't even THINK about "poking" them. Mark Zuckerberg explained during a Facebook webinar," When we created the poke, we thought it would be cool to have a feature without any specific purpose. People interpret the poke in many different ways, and we encourage you to come up with your own meanings." Therein lies your problem - you do not want to come across as being cutesy, or, worse, flirtatious, with your instructor.

Documenting Your Rebel Phase: If you post pictures of yourself binge drinking, doing drugs, or participating in some kind of illegal activity, you are sending a message to applications committees that you do not care about rules. I'm not your mother, so I'm not going to lecture you on doing these things. Just know that if you choose to publicize them on Facebook, there's a high chance you will not receive the offers you were hoping for. There are privacy settings for a reason, people.

Bullying: Most schools have a zero tolerance policy for bullying and hazing. Employers are committed to providing non-hostile work environments for their employees. So if you are harassing someone on Facebook for all the world to see then (1) Schools and employers won't want you and (2) Shame on you. Stop it.

Beyond Facebook

Incredibly, people are finding work on outlets like Twitter, where some employers look at an applicant's profile and activity and see where, in 140 characters, they stand out from other candidates. LinkedIn is also a fabulous resource for college students who want to start building a professional network.

Finally, if you want to start a blog while a college student, the same rules apply regarding protecting your anonymity. If you're doing something you wouldn't want your parents to see, don't make it searchable for your school or boss either.

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Monday Link-Up

Found It. Read It. Passing It On.

Tell Me...

October's Book: The Funeral Dress

Getting Involved On Campus, Part I: Sustained Dialogue

Sustained Dialogue Campus Network (SDCN)

Getting Involved

September Book Club

So You Know What I'm Talking About...

Let's Talk About It: Finding Your Happiness

Unlearning So-Called Truths About Yourself

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

Using Facebook Effectively As A College Student

Cultivating Your Social Media Presence

The Right Way to Use Facebook In College

The Wrong Way to Use Facebook In College

Beyond Facebook

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